A Week in Photos: Week 2

 Sunday 1/13: After what seems like months of rain, we finally have caught a break here on the coast. For the last week it's been wonderful having the sun back around! This is a shot from Beards Cove in Washington on our way to Ryan's dad's house for the unfortunate Seahawks game.

 Monday 1/14: Our handsome boy Marley has a strange issue regarding his whiskers. I'm not sure if they're extra long or if they bother him, but whenever he turns his head he makes a face very similar to this one.

 Tuesday 1/15: In the long wintery months in Astoria, it's rare to catch many trees or bushes that still have green, with the one exception of the ivy in our yard. Our mailbox happily sticks out of this friendly reminder that spring is not so far away.

 Wednesday 1/16: When I was living in Portland, I had to drive the Sunset Highway home every day in rush hour traffic, hating life. Cars backed up, horrible rain, near death experiences. Living in the small town of Astoria is often frustrating in it's own way, lack of cultural experiences, small town mentality and most major shopping being two hours away. But it's on days like these that the natural beauty on our drive home makes all of the little sacrifices worth it.

 Thursday 1/17: SE Portland is such a quirky place that I haven't had much time to explore. This picture was taken when Ryan and I went to catch up with his cousin JD after moving home from Las Vegas. This funky graffiti was on the side of a fence right outside JD's door.

 Friday 1/18: On Friday evening, Ryan and I drove up to Olympia for a celebration of my mother's birthday. We went to a childhood favorite, Dirty Dave's. Not much has changed here and that's just the way I like it. I remember this machine from when I was younger, I had every birthday from the age of 3 to 7 at this joint! It was wonderful going back- the pizza was as wonderful as I remember it!

Saturday 1/19: Saturday was officially my mom's birthday and it was a wonderful time staying at her house and having breakfast with her the next morning. She was off to the beach with one of her dear friends!

New Year, New Resolutions (Part 3 of 4)

PHYSICALLY

This portion of my new goals might be the section I've been most excited to write. Physically I've been in a slump for at least the last six months. I was doing really well with running this previous spring until my running buddy's knees gave out (Ryan). Any little excuse works to not exercise, I'll take. I'm tired of that though, I'm tired of being a couch potato and saying "I'll do it tomorrow". I've been reading The Berry a lot lately and been paying a lot of attention to their "Daily Motivation" section. It shows pictures of women getting fit, healthy food and exercise ideas. I have been envious long enough so it's time to bust my butt.

Exercise- I have tired many times before to get into a routine and failed a week in. One night I will come home too tired or will get distracted by other things and I'll let myself slide. I'll make excuses for myself to myself and I'll say "Hey, I'm still human". That may be true, but I haven't been comfortable with the thought of people seeing me in a swimsuit since high school. I'll suck in, cover up and basically avoid being seen in skimpy outfits in any way I can. This isn't right. I should love my body, imperfections and all. I could go on ad infinitum about the perils of being a modern day woman, but that's not what this post is about. Many people have said to me, "you have a great body, why do you need to work out?" Well, the simple truth is that though I might be most people's goal weight, I'm not comfortable with my lumps and bumps. I've had the same body forever, I can still fit into my high school clothes, but I've never had the satisfaction of working my ass off to achieve a certain result. And I've come to the realization that now is the time. Like right this second. I'm 26 and if I'm going to have the body of my dreams, I better start working because I'm not getting any younger.

That all being said, I've (again) started the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I've had this damn DVD for over 3 years now and I've never been able to stick to it before, but this time I'm dedicated. I'm on week two, last week having worked out 5 of the 7 days, this week so far I've worked out every day. Even after this short amount of time, I'm feeling myself get stronger. The push ups aren't so horrible and squats don't make me want to rip my legs off as much. My goal is to obviously finish the first stage in 30 days, the second medium stage in the next 30 days and finally the third hardest section to round off 90 days of working out. Every time I come home and I feel myself sinking into my normal routine of excusing myself from physical activity, a thought pops into the back of my mind. It's usually something along the lines of "The time you don't want to do something the most is the time that you most likely should". Usually I only use that line on myself when I'm internally talking myself out of going to an AA meeting, but the same can apply here. Also, I feel like when I least want to work out, I'll be browsing around the internet and here pops up Jillian Michael's face. That bitch is everywhere, haunting me, making me feel real guilty if I'm not in workout mode! I did make a rookie mistake by not taking "before pictures" so that I could show end results, but I'll go do that tonight. This is one of the things I use to keep myself motivated:

Eating Right- Everyone knows that getting fit is about 50% of what you do in the gym and 50% of what you eat, give or take. If you keep eating the same things you always have, I feel like you're probably going to look about the same regardless of how much work you think you're doing. That being said, I have eliminated pasta, a lot of breads and anything highly sugary/fatty from my diet. I'm sticking to oatmeal, fruits, veggies, greek or plain yogurt, chicken and a lot of spinach. I don't like to think of myself as being "on a diet", I am just thinking more about what I'm putting in my body (the vice I won't be giving up? My daily PB&J for lunch). It's also surprisingly saving us a lot of money. Not having to think about what you're making week to week is REALLY nice. Ryan is finally on my healthy bandwagon, so I don't have to worry about what he's going to eat and make a second meal different from mine, it's a relief. Along with all of this, I've been trying to be really conscious of my water intake. Two liters a day is my goal and so far so good. 

Sleeping- Ever since getting sober, I have had some strange sleeping patterns. I've heard it said around the recovery community that you should expect that for the first couple of years of sobriety. I'm a damn cranky girl if I don't get an adequate amount of zzz's. A goal that kind of came about unintentionally is to lay off the coffee. Every day, I guzzle down copious amounts of coffee, energy drinks, whatever in attempts to feel AWAKKKKKE. Well that awake feeling has been lasting well into my sleeping hours, so it was time for a change. Right around the first of the year I got really sick and a result of that cold is that I haven't had coffee since before the first of the year. I was sick through the time I would have the caffeine withdrawal headaches so it's been an easy transition. I also picked up some melatonin the last time I was at Costco for those nights where sleep evades me or I wake in the middle of the night. For me, the best way to stay active and healthy is to make sure I'm getting enough rest each night, about 7-8 hours. 

With all of these goals in mind, watching what I consume, resting enough and getting my heart pumping, I hope to be feeling more fit, energized and stronger by Spring. I'm sure I'll hit lulls along the way and I'm sure I'll come up with ways to overcome that. Until next time!! 

A Week in Photos: Week 1

Sunday 1/6: Ryan and I have been living in our little house for about 5 months now and ever since we moved in, the gas fireplace hasn't worked. Last week when we woke up and the temperature inside was equal to that of the outside, it was time to get into action. Now that we have a properly heated home, we are all so much happier, even the little kitties.

 Monday 1/7: Yes, I know, it was the worst National Championship game ever. Yes, I know, as an Oregon Duck fan or any BCS team for that matter, I should hate the consistently over ranked Notre Dame. And I did and mostly do, but I have a soft spot for a woman, Karen, I was in treatment with who was an alumni and faculty member, and who loved her Irish football. This hat was a memento from her before she went back to Indiana. Play like a champion today!

 Tuesday: During a work out one night, I looked over and saw Peanut resting her pretty little head on my Big Book. I couldn't help but snap a pic of this moment.

 Wednesday: A lava lamp is not at all my thing. Not my style of decor, not something I would ever ask for, or anything I would ever think to ask for. But for some reason, I did get this for Christmas and I have to say we really like it! The first thing Ryan does every night when we get home from work is turn this guy on and we both find ourselves staring off in space at it from time to time.

Friday: In my pursuit to live a healthier life, I have been adding more fruit and low fat foods to my diet. It's hard sometimes when I think I'm a carb addict. But baby steps, right? I am in love love LOVE with Greek God's yogurt (the vanilla honey blend), and I literally lick the bowl after every serving. I think I have to give it up though, nothing that good can actually be good for you, and I was right in that assumption. Now I'm on to Nancy's Plain, blech.

Saturday: Friday night we were supposed to drive up to Portland for a friends birthday party/poker event, but the roads have been pretty icy and even a little snowy so we took caution and canceled. Saturday we woke early checked the roads and headed out. We took our friends Amanda and James out to brunch at a wonderful place on SE Stark called The Country Cat. It was a wonderful time catching up with great food!

New Year, New Resolutions (Part 2 of 4)

EMOTIONALLY

It's taken me about a week to get back into writing about my resolutions because figuring out "emotional" goals is difficult. To be "emotionally happy" is neither timely nor measurable. So I guess what I'm going to create is a bullet point list of things that I need to be content and serene.

• I need to learn to let things go. Sometimes I feel that I obsess over what other people are doing that I deem as irregular or not up to my standards, and I get SO WORKED UP over things that have nothing to do with me. Ryan can tell you, it drives him crazy. Sometimes it's our friends or family members and even sometimes people I don't even know. At some point in my life (I'm not sure when) I internally set the "Erin bar of normalcy" that has really hurt how I view other people and their actions. Basically, if you aren't up to "the bar", you are cut from my life without a second thought. This is neither fair nor productive, I am well aware, but it's like once you've lived one way for so long, it's hard to make a change. I'm aware of this flaw in myself, and I really do want to work on it to eradicate this trait  once and for all. What I think would be helpful is that any time I feel that feeling that I want to say something cutting or judgmental about what someone else is doing or saying, I need to write it down, acknowledge the feeling, then let it go. I must work on coming to any situation with tolerance, love and understanding, because I don't know where people are always coming from and my "standards" mean nothing to them. As Ryan always tells me, people don't always think how you think and they aren't any worse off for that. 
• This brings up a second emotional need. Because I have such high standards for who I let in my life, I sometimes find myself being lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have friends and people I talk to regularly, but it seems most of them don't live in my area, especially any of my girlfriends. Going out and being social and meeting new people to me seems so taxing and time consuming that most nights I would rather stay in my bed and read. But there are times that I would really like friends to watch dumb chick movies with, go shopping with, etc, because Ryan can't do it all. I can't have him be my everything because I'd be setting him up for failure. I've learned over many relationships that I can't rely on my boyfriend to be the best friend, the girlfriend, the social network, my everything, because when they fail in one of those categories, they fail in all of them if that makes sense. So what I'm saying is that I need to get myself out there more. What I really want to do is throw my feelers out and see if any women that I either work with or some girls that are currently Ryan's friends would want to do a book club. It would combine reading and friendship nicely. I would like to get the ball rolling by this next month. I think that would help to fill some of the void and possibly lead to other shared interest activities. This all might sound so weird, I'm sure some readers are thinking "just go make friends, it's not that hard", but I feel like when you've been as isolating and self reliant as I have for so long, you forget those tools, and forget you even need them. As I'm getting older, I see you do. I want girls weekends, I want good friends, I just have to work harder than the next person to do it. 

 For now, those two issues are my emotional "hot buttons" that I want to see the most progress in. Hopefully with time, work and some minor changes, I will be able to consider my life more full and satisfying. Thanks for reading my personal rambles!

Have a wonderful day and go Hawks!!

New Year, New Resolutions (Part 1 of 4)

Alright, I know New Years was last week, but it's taken me a while to tumble some resolutions around in my head. This was a funny past year for me in that it was neither good nor bad, I tried to think back on some major milestones and I couldn't come up with many. I did get a year of sobriety on August 27th, but that was one of the only highlights. I'm tired of watching time pass on the side lines of life. I don't want to be envious of my friends anymore for having all these great things happen, trips to places I want to go, getting married, having these great careers, etc etc, I want to be able to enjoy those things also! I want in the game! So in order to change and have measurable growth for this coming year, I figured I should set some goals.

One of the more valuable things I learned in treatment is that feeling "good" isn't a quick fix, it's a slow progression of a combination of variables. To me, these can be broken down in a simplistic way: Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual elements. This is the easiest way I have come up with to formulate my resolutions and goals for this year.

MENTALLY

Over the last year I have realized that in order for me to feel like I'm nourished mentally, I must be continually growing and learning new things. When I'm stagnate, I'm restless, irritable and discontent. I think for a few years after college, I was in a hibernation state. I thought, "I got my bachelors degree, I've been in school the last 16+ years, I'm alright with being complacent", and I was just that. In my case, idle minds made for the devils playthings. Now with a year+ of sobriety under my belt and a new outlook on life, I'm ready to take on new challenges, grow and learn as much as I can. Hell, I've even thought about going back to school for another bachelors or even a masters and I never thought I'd be saying that. The day I walked out of the hallowed halls of Oregon, I was D-O-N-E. My how things change as you get older, and in some cases, wiser.

I've brainstormed a few goals to mentally challenge myself over the next year:

Reading- As a Goodreads member, I've always been envious of the people who knew about the site at the beginning of last year because there is a side bar that challenges you to come up with a total number of book you are going to read in that calendar year. I came to the site in September so that wasn't going to work for me. Finally with the new year, I can partake! I have committed to (attempt) 80 books this year. That's roughly 6.5 books per month. I'm a quick reader, but I also know that not going to give me much time between books to lavish in the afterglow. I would take a picture of the PILES of books I have stacked at the top of my stairs, but I'm embarrassed. To say that I have gone off the deep end of book acquiring since September would be laughable, I currently have 40+ books that have yet to be read. In my defense, I have banned myself from buying any because I don't want to be like those BookTubers you see on YouTube that have 100s of books they've never read but they keep doing haul videos. Also in my defense, I'm not a book hoarder either. So if I finish a book I don't care for or probably won't read again, I pass it on through Bookmooch so that I can in hopes turn that into another book. Plus, everyone knows that come moving day, books are the worst thing to move! Mentally, reading puts me into a place of zen, it helps me to experience new things, share in emotions and connect to something outside of myself.

Side Venture- For the time being, I love having a 9-5 job. It's paying the bills, it keeps me out of trouble and I really like the people I work with. I'm tired of just being able to pay the bills with little extra for anything else though. Ryan and I have been throwing around ideas for a long time now about doing something, ANYTHING, on the side but nothing has stuck. First it was an iPhone App (which Ryan did extensive work on) but that didn't pan out. Then I was going to collect driftwood and make driftwood everything, but I lost steam with that. Finally, I started thinking about the things I actually purchase and like and would be able to create myself if only I had a certain skill set, which I can acquire. And now I think I've landed on teaching myself Photoshop in order to be able to create AA related typography prints, cards and posters on Etsy. I'm in uncharted waters here my friends. The most technology education I have had was in middle school when I signed up for Gen Y (an all women's tech class) because teachers were saying that technology was the next big wave and being a women with technology skills could only increase my odds of future success. That stuck for about... 3 years. When it came time to devoting my after school life in high school to being in a computer lab, I drew the line, my reputation couldn't handle that. So needless to say, my experience with Photoshop is none, but I'm willing to fart around and see what I can learn. I guess the only way this is a timely and measurable goal would be to say I want to be able to produce professional looking results by June. Six months. With Ryan's help (he has some experience), I should be able to manage this feat. Mentally, I think with my mind set on learning something new and learning something on my own for the first time, I should be able to stay engaged.

Blogging- I watch a ton of YouTube videos. I have a nightly routine. I head up to our room at about 8:30 and that's my dedicated "me" time. I hop into bed, grab my book and my Nexus and get snuggled in for the night. I watch YouTube videos for about an hour then I read until I fall asleep. Since I've been doing that, I think I've been in a sort of Stockholm state where because I watch all these videos, I think I too can make videos. Why is this important you ask? Well because every time I start thinking about starting up a YouTube account, I chastise myself for not even being able to keep up a blog! That being said, my goal is to blog at least once a week. Along with that, I have made a goal to post a picture a day on Instagram which I will then do a weekly recap on here. There's nothing better than looking back at where you've been and what you've been doing at the end of every year. I think holding myself accountable to posting will keep me creative as well. Lord knows I don't want to post updates about my boring ass life, so it's time to spice it up!

Cooking- I love to cook. I'm in a total rut though. With trying to save money by not eating out, that means it's dinner at home nightly, which has become tacos, spaghetti, take home pizza and salad, remix and repeat. What I would love to do is cook my way through a cook book. Nothing too extravagant that calls for thousands of ingredients, like I said, budget, savings. But something that is cooking for beginners, that is simple, healthy and delicious while giving us a large variety of meals to choose from. Anyone heard of such a cook book? Have any suggestions? Let me know. I'm going to do some research of my own and have a book figured out by February, then let the cooking fun begin!!

With making these changes, I hope to stay satisfied and fulfilled year round. Of course if I'm not, there are a lot of other things I can try. One of the best things I have heard this year is that you shouldn't think about something in terms of how much time it's going to take you to accomplish it because the time is going to pass anyway. At least this year, I'm aiming to pass my time a little bit more productively! Until next time, I'll leave you with this thought: CHIP KELLY IS STILL A DUCK!