A Week in Photos: Week 17

As I said in my last "Week in Photos", I had been in a picture taking rut. This last week though, I was seeing new places and getting out of my typical box and thus, I have MANY photos to share! I hope you all enjoy!!

Sunday 4/21: So if you've read my blog at all, you know I'm a book fanatic. Two things are happening in this photo that I'm wanting to point out. 1) My boyfriend is reading a book. This never happens. The last book I think he read was The Giver. In like second grade. This is a miracle. 2) I have found out that my boyfriend is the worst thing you could be as a human: a book bender. I will never loan him a book for as long as I live. This is an act against humanity. No spine or page should ever be bent this way!! I was so appalled that I had to take this picture. A little part of me dies every time I look at it.

Monday 4/22: I saw a picture on Instagram the other day that I knew I had to copy when I was flying out to Florida. My sorority sister Jamilynn took a "What's in my Bag" picture before heading to Europe which had gorgeous composition and I felt like I needed to do the same. These were just some of the things that I took in my bag with me to the East Coast.

Tuesday 4/23: In order to get to Orlando at a reasonable hour, we had to fly out of Portland at a completely unreasonable hour. 6:00 AM flight meaning 4:30 airport arrival meaning 3:30 wake up. It was a painful day. But, it was the first time Ryan and I have flown on a plane together, so of course that meant we had to snap a photo!! This is as good as she gets.

Tuesday 4/23: I think like anyone who flies, I get majorly anxious that we're going to miss our flight and end up having to spend a lot of time and money trying to correct the mistake. I wind myself up and get into panic mode when really, everything is fine. Over the years, I developed some inflight traditions to help me unwind from the pre-flight panic attack. For me that includes tomato juice and sprite (or ginger ale if they have it). There is something soothing about this combination for me even though I don't drink these beverages at any other time.

Wednesday 4/24: Even though my internal clock must have been way out of whack, I still managed to get up at 7:30 AM the morning after our flight. I knew that I had until 1:00 PM when my training started, so I took full advantage of sitting by the pool. I spent all morning reading The Princess Bride, communing with the wildlife (lizards and squirrels) and warding off amphibians (literally a snake 3 feet long and black as sin slithered through the pool area, close to families and children). It took a while to get used to the natural inhabitants of Florida, but I was able to find some peace and some sun.

Wednesday 4/24: For those of you who have been to Orlando before, our hotel was situated in the Lake Buena Vista area. For those of you who haven't, it basically means we were on Disney's doorstep. There is an area of the Disney Resort that is called "Downtown Disney" which is home to restaurants, shops and gimmicks galore, so naturally we had to check it out. Upon arrival, the first (and only) thing that Ryan noticed was that there was a Lego store. My 25 year old boyfriend is still such a kid at heart. So upon entering the store, he started (literally) squealing like a little girl when he saw the Lego Death Star. Not only is my boyfriend a child, but he is way into Star Wars. This is him oogling said things:

Wednesday 4/24: Ever since Disney acquired LucasFilm (yes, I know that random Star Wars trivia thanks to the character pictured at the left), Ryan has been obsessed with looking at the things Disney is producing. This Mouse-3PO that Ryan is donning is by far one of my favorite things. Both times this past year we have been year any of the Disney franchises, we have considered purchasing these. At almost $25 a pop though, we've decided to let that dream go and just live with the picture as if we did purchase them! Good enough for me.

Thursday 4/25: For the first time ever in my life, I got sent away for a business trip. The real reason I was in Florida to begin with was for a CARF 101 Accreditation Conference. For those who don't work in the Behavioral Health field, CARF is an international accreditation board that certifies outstanding health care facilities. With working at a brand new treatment center, my executive director has given me the title of Continued Quality Improvement Coordinator (CQI for short) and handed over the accreditation process to me. This will be a year long adventure that I'm sure will take up a lot of my time, some sweat and a few tears, but I'm excited to be implementing some solid changes to our newly founded treatment facility that will have the person served at the forefront of everyone's minds. This is a wonderful program and I can't wait to get started!

Friday 4/26: After three long days of all day training, it was time to cut loose. Before I left for Orlando, my clinical director, Mel, told me that there are gators in every lake around the Orlando area. She knew this from previous living experience. So for me, being from the PNW, it was like a game of Where's Waldo for every lake we drove by (which in Orlando is like thousands). I tried mating calls, doing the gator chomp with my arms like they do at University of Florida, and yelling out "chick-chick-chickennnnn!!!!" (because everyone knows gators love chicken) to no avail. I didn't spy a single wild gator. So naturally, as a tourist, I talked my party into going to GATORLAND!!! And naturally, as a tourist, I got to sit on a half-dead-tranquilizered-up-gator. This picture ensued:

Friday 4/26: Apparently Gatorland has been around since the dawn of time, or like 1977, which is why they have this HUGE stucco gator mouth out in front of their establishment. By no means is this the most technologically advanced, coolest gator mouth you have ever seen, but this thing has some history on it, so of course Ryan and I had to get a picture to prove we were there.

Saturday 4/27: In order to get ready for the big day we had ahead of us, I thought I would try to burn off some of the head cold that somehow managed to take hold in my body. The times that I get to sit out at a pool early in the morning before anyone else is around is probably one of the most relaxing things for mind, body and soul for me. I'm at ease and at peace, the only thing that can enter in my subconsious at times like these is, "where is that mother #$%&ing snake!?!" Which then is quickly followed in my head by, "Snakes on a mother #$%&ing plane!" (welcome to my head).

Saturday 4/27: For those of you who don't know, I'm just going to put this out there in the open now: I love Harry Potter. I don't mean I've read the books once "love" and think they are a cute story, no. This is the kind of love where I have read every single book every summer since each came out and I know parts by heart. I have seen (and own) every movie countless times and can quote many lines and tell you where the books and movies differ. I have a Harry Potter related poster in our guest bedroom and always ask for at least one thing Harry Potter related for every birthday and at Christmas. It goes beyond love for me, it is a passion and club I'm proud to belong to, the Potterheads. So needless to say, when I first heard about The Wizarding World of Harry Potter way back when, I knew in my lifetime, I had to get myself there. This was one of those bucket list things. So the second I found out I was going to be able to go to Orlando for this training, I started figuring ways I was going to get to Universal Studios, I would have begged, borrowed and stolen to get there. I didn't care about anything else, just getting to the world of Harry Potter. This was my first magical glimpse of Hogwarts, the little girl heart in me started racing at this point. (Fair warning: All further pictures are Harry Potter related, I don't be offended if you stop reading now.)

Saturday 4/27: This is the view upon entering in the front gates at Hogwarts where the first ride is. Unfortunately, my love for Harry Potter forced me on to this ride (which tours you through Hogwarts) which is a simulator ride, which I know from previous Disney experience that I don't handle well (I almost puked on Star Tours, for real). Everything up to the ride experience was AMAZING though. It literally was like being in Hogwarts, everything I ever imagined. The line takes you through the greenhouses, a classroom, some of the Hogwarts hallways (with all of the talking/moving pictures on the wall), a common room and even the headmaster's office (for those in the HP know, they used the first actor (films 1-2) of Dumbledore as his portrait on the wall of the headmasters office as opposed to the actor who had been playing Dumbledore in the last films (3-8) which I thought was very curious). I thought this portrayal was very very well done, I loved everything about it.

Saturday 4/27: After another hellish experience on a simulator ride, I thought there would be nothing better than to cool down with a refreshing Butterbeer (for all of those who worry I had to change my sobriety date, no fear, Butterbeer is non-alcoholic). It's a delightful butterscotch drink that I would have on a regular basis if I could. Also at the Butterbeer cart, they were selling Pumpkin Juice, and further into the town of Hogsmeade, they sold Firewhiskey, which is actually an adult beverage.

Saturday 4/27: I have other pictures that show the town of Hogsmeade more, but this to me was so perfect. From the way the sign of the Hog's Head, a notoriously seedy joint, hangs off to one side, to the wood sign itself, this is really how I imagined it looking. I had a chance to peak my head in the Hog's Head, and of course it was actually a pub inside the theme park. Too perfect.

Saturday 4/27: They had a Hogwart's Express and a Platform 9 3/4. I died a little bit. It's perfect, the dreamlike quality this picture has, because it's literally something that is out of one of my dreams. I can't tell you how many times when I was reading the first and second books for the first time ever, I wished wizarding schools were actually real and that I would really be taken away on the Hogwart's Express. The world of Harry Potter seems so much simpler to me. No cell phones, computers or TV, it's about the real human connections and some kick ass magic. (Who am I kidding, I'd still like to get my Hogwart's letter in the mail!)

Saturday 4/27: After the magic of Harry Potter is over, they try not to let you down too hard at Islands of Adventure. You quickly travel to Dr. Seuss land where all of the Thing 1 and Thing 2 shirts I saw all week were being produced. Being in this place made me realize how truly deprived I was as a child. I think the only Dr. Seuss book I had growing up was One Fish, Two Fish. When I saw The Lorax this last year in theaters, that was the first time I had ever even heard of that story. Horton Hears a Who? Same thing. College was when I heard "Oh the Places You Will Go" for the first time. But after coming here, I've realized there is a whole world of good literature that I have missed out on! End rant. This is a picture of us amongst the Truffula Trees.

Saturday 4/27: And of course I had to get a solo shot because I think their reproductions of the Truffula Trees was spot on. And they're fun. And match my dress. Moving on.

Saturday 4/27: As a last ditch effort to find something to commemorate our time at Islands of Adventure, we stopped at a gift shop on the way out of the park. The only noteworthy thing was this Bob Marley rasta hat Ryan insisted on trying on. I don't know what Bob Marley has to do with Harry Potter, Jurassic Park, The Hulk or Dr. Seuss (other than I think Dr. Seuss and Bob Marley enjoyed some of the same substances), but this hat was there. And Ryan loved it.

Sunday 4/28: After a long day of traveling, Ryan and I were ready to get home to our little kitten squawks. Upon entering our abode, we found this precious sign hanging in our kitchen, it was something that was greatly appreciated and clearly made with love and care from our friend Jenn who watched our little gems while we were away!

Monday 4/29: And last but not least, this is a picture to depict how much our little fluff balls missed us. Last night, I went to sleep around 9:00 PM and was out COLD, ALL NIGHT! I never do that. It was some kind of personal record. That aside, I clearly didn't notice that I had a kitty laying on my pillow all night long until this morning when the alarm started going off. I took a couple of moments before starting my morning to give Marley some loves, since clearly he was lacking. It was a wonderful way to wake up.

A Week in Photos: Weeks 15 & 16

I've been in a slump y'all. A picture taking slump and an emotional slump as of late, but I think I'm now on the other side of that. This is going to be an abbreviated two weeks, I think I only have about six photos total. No worries though, I have some big events happening this week, so hopefully I'll be able to step my game up!

Sunday 4/7: Sunday's are the days Ryan and I set aside for each other each week. One day where it's just us, which usually means Pig and Pancake and wandering around Astoria running errands. This Sunday, we made a little trip to Goodwill so I could look at books, and he managed to find these cute little buggers. It was quite the score, they were brand new from Urban Outfitters (the tags were even still on the bottom) and we snagged each for a dollar! I mustache you a question...

Monday 4/8: I introduce you all to the Jesus bus. This strange sight was at Fred Meyer when we were doing errands on Sunday and it was causing quite the scene. We saw it again when we were headed to work on Monday morning, parked on the Washington side of the Astoria bridge. Upon further investigation, I found out that the Jesus bus has been traveling all across the US for the last two years spreading the word of God. What ever floats your boat!

Thursday 4/11: My friend Jen had asked me a while back to help her and another lady of AA out doing some volunteer work at an event called The Lady Liberty Luncheon. It was the first time I have had the opportunity to check out the Liberty Theater. It was amazingly beautiful. This is a photo of the stage and chandelier in the main part of the house.

Thursday 4/11: Again, this is a picture of the Liberty Theater in Astoria, OR. This chandelier hangs from the ballroom where the event I was volunteering at was being held. The architecture and features of this building are amazing considering it's in the small town of Astoria. Color me impressed.

Friday 4/12: I don't know where the Instagram version of this photo went on my phone, but this is a picture of the event I was at. The Daily Astorian, the local paper in town, was also in attendance and snapped this picture that made the front page!! It was the first time I've ever made the front page of any newspaper, it was a pretty exciting day in the life of Erin!

Sunday 4/14: Ryan and I along with our good friends Vern and Jen went down for a night in Eugene. It's only the second time I've been back since moving away in 2010, and it's still as good as I remember it. Vern and I have been talking for a long time about doing something like this so we could do an eating tour of Eugene. For those who haven't been down in this part of the world, I swear this town has the most wonderful restaurants I've ever been to. Of course for breakfast we had to go to the campus classic, Glenwood. Usually there is a 20 minute wait or longer, but we were able to sneak right in! Best. Food. Ever.

Thursday 4/18: Luckily for us, we have a wonderful woman on staff who has her license to cut hair. About once every other week, she volunteers to cut the hair of our clients. Not only does it clean up their looks a little bit, but it makes them feel a lot more confident in their early sobriety. I've had Gina cut my hair before and this time it was Ryan's turn to get his locks lopped. Trying to look fresh for our trip to Florida!!

Saturday 4/20: After a short trip to Portland where I was looking for clothes to wear to Florida, the only thing I was able to find was this fedora. I have officially joined the ranks of "that girl", but after years of not having one, I thought it was about time. I need to shade my pretty little face from the sun anyway when I'm laying out poolside!

Sunday 4/21: In preparation for our upcoming trip to Orlando, I thought it was appropriate to have a Harry Potter marathon. One of my main goals while there is to get myself to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Ever since I first heard about this theme park opening, it's been on my bucket list to get myself there. Dreams do come true!!!!

Text Talk: Week 4

Okay, okay. Admission: This week my book buying went a little bit out of control. The justification I'm using: Ryan and I are leaving for Orlando on Tuesday and are going to have a lot of time to kill, about 9 hours each way. So obviously I needed to buy books for the plane (as if I don't have a wide enough selection to choose from to begin with). We just so happened to be in Portland yesterday for an appointment I had and I was having no luck clothes shopping, so to brighten my mood, we stopped in Powell's. Thankfully I only had $20 in cash so I was able to limit my spending. But we'll get to what I bought in a minute, for now, here's what I've been reading!

Title: Spirit Bound
Author: Richelle Mead
Genre: YA Paranormal
Pages: 489

Reaction: In my opinion, this was the worst book yet. I gave it a 3/5 stars, for some reason I just couldn't get into it. I think it was a lack of adventure and Richelle Mead playing into some of the typical genre cliches: the helpless girl being torn between two guys. The main character, Rose, up to this point has been a badass ass kicking chick. In this book she turns into an insecure whiny girl that isn't enjoyable to read about. It by no means deterred me from continuing on to the last book.

Title: Last Sacrifice
Author: Richelle Mead
Genre: YA Paranormal
Pages: 594

Reaction: I'm nearly half way through this book and already it's better than it's predecessor. My goal is to have this finished by tomorrow so that I can start my trip to Florida fresh. It's also helpful that this one is addicting and I just can't wait to find out how it all wraps up. This is the last book in the series, although if I need another Vampire Academy fix in the future, there is a companion series titled Bloodlines that I can pick up!

Books Added to the Library This Week:

Title: Safe Haven
Author: Nicholas Sparks
Genre: Adult Contemporary/ Love Story?
Reason: Alright, I've never been one of those girls that swoons over Nicholas Sparks books, or buys tons of romance novels, I prefer paranormal or dystopian any day. But I figured I should give it a shot, plus I found this book in Eugene at Goodwill for $0.49. That price can't be beat for a practically brand new hardcover. I'm sure I'll need to have my tissue box close!

Title: Last Sacrifice
Author: Richelle Mead
Genre: YA Paranormal
Reason: It'd be rude if I didn't. Plus it's the last in the series, see above!!!

Title: Cathedral of the Sea
Author: Ildefonso Falcones
Genre: Historical Fiction
Reason: After reading Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon, I was obsessed with anything Spanish and anything deemed historical fiction. On Goodreads, this was one of the books recommended for people who liked that book, so I thought I'd give it a shot. When I saw it on Bookmooch, I had to snatch it up!

Title: The Art of Fielding
Author: Chad Harbach
Genre: Adult Contemporary
Reason: I much prefer the other cover, but I was able to score this one from Powell's for half off the cover price. This book is about America's favorite pastime, baseball. Most of the people I follow on Goodreads that have read this book absolutely loved it, so I thought I would give it a try.

Title: Legend
Author: Marie Lu
Genre: YA Dystopian
Reason: This has been getting rave reviews left and right. All of the people I follow on YouTube have read this and LOVED it! I normally wouldn't buy a book at full price, but something told me I just had to have it. I think this will be coming to Florida with me!!

Title: The Princess Bride
Author: William Goldman
Genre: Fantasy
Reason: So something I had never understood is people's obsession with this movie. Honestly, I tried watching it when I was younger and quit like 20 minutes in. From what I've been reading, it's an amazing, fun adventure which dabbles in the fantasy realm. That just screams my name. I'm excited to give this book a shot and finally watch the movie in whole.

Title: World War Z
Author: Max Brooks
Genre: Zombies (aka Horror)
Reason: Technically, I didn't buy this book, Ryan did. The last time I tried to buy him a book (The Passage by Justin Cronin), it sat on his bedside table for months without being cracked. A year later, he still hasn't read it. That being said, I have no doubt in my mind that this book will soon be mine. We were watching a video the other day talking about the summers biggest blockbusters which included World War Z. Ryan was all amped on wanting to see it, but I told him that unfortunately I wouldn't be able to watch it unless I've read the book first. Everyone knows the books are always better. So I told Ryan that in order to see the movie, he'd just have to buy me the book. Looks like I got my way!!!

I'll be doing some hard decision making this afternoon trying to decide which four books are worthy of traveling cross country with me on Tuesday! I'll keep you all posted!!

Text Talk: Week 3

After a wonderful response to my blog on why I got sober, I figured it was time to get back to what's really important in life: books.

It seems like a life time ago, but I finished one book this week and started a second. This week has been a busy one. To mix it up a little bit, I'm going to start adding a section to my weekly book posts titled "books I have broken my ban to acquire", or something to that extent. I always find book hauls extremely entertaining on YouTube, so I figured I might as well start adding what I get on here as well! I mean if I'm getting books, I might as well be honest about my addiction and share the titles with the world, and together, maybe we can overcome this book buying disease.

On to what I read:

Title: Uglies
Author: Scott Westerfeld
Genre: YA/Dystopian
Pages: 425

Reaction: This was an interesting dystopian world that probably could have used a lot more development. It's set in the future in a world where all citizens go through an operation to become "pretty" at the age of 16. Once you are turned pretty, a luxurious, easy lifestyle is what you have to look forward to for the rest of your days. We come to find out through the main character Tally that this life doesn't come without a cost though, and for some, being pretty isn't worth all that you have to give up.

I was intrigued by this book, but that's not to say I was riveted. I gave it a 3.5/5 stars, with the intention to follow up with the next book in the series. From what I can tell, this is a three book series with a companion novel titled "Extras".

Title: Spirit Bound
Author: Richelle Mead
Genre: YA Paranormal
Pages: 489

Reaction (so far): My love for this series has grown from one book to the next. I was so excited to start digging into this book, but so far I'm not totally drawn in. I think that to some extent they all start out slowly with kick ass endings, but this one seems a little repetitive and undeveloped. I'm only on page 163, so I'm hoping it picks up in a little bit. More to be revealed next week!









Books Added to the Library This Week:

Title: Freedom
Author: Jonathan Franzen
Genre: Contemporary/Adult Fiction
Heard About: Initially I had seen this cover somewhere before, but then I watched this YouTube video and thought the book sounded pretty interesting, I'm always down for some American critique.
Acquired From: Goodwill ($2.99) with a left over Christmas gift card my dad gave me!

Title: A Visit From the Goon Squad
Author: Jennifer Egan
Genre: Contemporary/Adult Fiction
Heard About: Goodreads, all of the main book lovers I follow have either marked this book as "To-Read" or have read it and given it 5 stars.
Acquired From: Goodwill ($2.99)!

Title: Under the Tuscan Sun
Author: Frances Mayes
Genre: Travel/Non-Fiction/Memoir
Heard About: I've loved the movie Under the Tuscan Sun forever. It gets me, it inspires me and it shows me growing up doesn't have to be all that bad. I have high hopes for this book despite it's 3.59 rating on Goodreads.
Acquired From: Goodwill ($2.99)!

Title: The Ender's Game
Author: Orson Scott Card
Genre: YA/Science Fiction
Heard About: I think I remember this book from when I was younger, that a lot of the guys were reading it. I never picked it up, but not too long ago after finishing The Giver, I posed a question on Facebook that asked what people's favorite books from their younger days were. My friend Cedric gave me this title and I soon found out it was being made into a movie later this year. Of course I had to pick it up, I usually think the books are far better than the movie adaptations.
Acquired From: Bookmooch (free-ish).

Those are all of the books I have gotten this last week, I'll be sure to keep updating you all on what I'm getting in the future! It's kind of fun and I know for me personally, I love getting new ideas for books I might not have heard about before! Until next time, happy reading!

Why I Got Sober.

Preface: These are my experiences, strengths and hope, they do not reflect every person who identifies as "sober" or someone in "recovery", this is just my story.

"I'm sober now" is probably one of the phrases old friends of mine would never fathomed me saying. I'm among those who also find it hard to believe. At 16 when I had my first drink of alcohol, there was no turning back. Never before had I consumed something that made me feel so at home in my own skin. Alcohol enhanced my personality, made me more outgoing, talkative and confident. It worked for me in this way for a long time, until it didn't. Through many trials, I was able to find a place I was meant to be, the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, where I could become myself and start piecing together my own road to happy destiny. I'm Erin and I'm an alcoholic, my sobriety date is 8/27/2011. These are my stories.

What It Was Like

I don't remember if I ever had the conscious thought that I was going to start drinking. I had grown up with alcohol playing a major role in my life. It was at all family functions, it was how the Briggs family had fun, it was the instigator of arguments, it was the cause of much public humiliation, but mainly, it was just always there. Around the age of 8, all of that stopped, my mother had had enough of my dad's alcoholic drinking. They divorced, sending my brother and I to new schools and neighborhoods, and sending my father to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. Though our lives changed drastically, it was ultimately for the best, we gained back a loving father and a mother that wasn't under so much stress.

It was around this age that I started becoming aware that I felt "different" (I use this as a relative term, I now know that everyone feels different or strange growing up, that I wasn't unique in this). By different, I mean that I never felt like I fit in. I always was striving to be something better than what I was, nothing that I had was ever good enough. I never had the right clothing, the right friends, the cool parents, the best house, enough money. I was constantly comparing my insides to everyone else's outside. Through elementary and middle school, I always felt like I was on the fringe of "popularity" because, of course that was the most important thing to me. I spent a lot of years feeling the residual effects of being an alcoholic's daughter. I was shy in a lot of situations because I was used to making myself as small and invisible as possible when my dad would be on one in public. When you add all these insecurities up, I felt unconfident, awkward and alone. Once I reached high school, I started to distance myself from a lot of the people in my class. The upperclassmen held an appeal that I lusted after; the cars, the maturity, the "coolness factor". That's how alcohol entered into my life.

I vividly remember being 16, in my drill team uniform, after a football game at an upperclassmen party. It was just like all the high school movies you see. I was offered an Icehouse beer and from the minute that lager hit my mouth, it was on. All of those insecurities, not feeling good enough, pretty enough, confident enough, went right out the window, I was in my element. I could talk to anyone, say anything, act the ways I truly wanted to act and most of all have fun! I call this "Phase One" of my drinking, the fun phase.

Life at that point became finding the next party, finding the next drink. There was some school stuff sandwiched in the middle of my party hopping behavior. I remember weekends became meeting in the Safeway parking lot and "party training" to remote locations all around Thurston County trying to find the next best thing. Most of my friends at this point were seniors, some of them weren't the best influences. On late start mornings, I could be found playing poker and drinking beer with the guys. I would bring Nalgene bottles filled with vodka and juice to school. I would sometimes steal alcohol from my mom and drink it at night while IM'ing with friends online. Alcohol became what I did, all entertainment was derived from that.

About eight months into my drinking life, I got my first DUI. Up to this point, my drinking had some minor consequences. I got in trouble for some all nighters, got confronted about stealing booze and had some minor social embarrassment when I wet myself at a party. This was my first ever encounter with the law. It Memorial Day weekend in Seattle and I was pulled over for going 115 mph on the I-90 bridge. It's a miracle that I didn't harm myself or anyone else. I had a very embarrassing two hour ride home at three in the morning with a father that was angered into silence. I remember the next morning when my father was finally moved to words, he didn't yell, he didn't scream, he talked very calmly and real to me. We had a lengthy discussion about what I should expect from the courts, getting a lawyer and how we were going to get my car out of impound. He never told me that I was a failure or a disappointment, that he just expected better. I think I was grounded for a few weeks, and with the courts, I had to do 100 hours community service, get an alcohol evaluation, sit in on a victims panel and pay some fines. Since I was a minor and this was my first offense, my DUI was pled down to a Reckless Driving ticket. This was the first time in my life where I swore off alcohol.

That lasted two months.

I think at this point, I believed I was more unlucky for getting caught than anything else. The biggest consequence I had to suffer was losing the opportunity to study abroad. I had been in the process of getting my ducks in a row to do a half year of high school in Australia and after my DUI, my parents rightfully told me I was too immature to handle such a big responsibility.

After this, I knew I had to start focusing on my future. I knew I wanted to go to college, I knew I wanted to get a job, be a productive member of society, have my own money, and once I got my license back, I was able to do all of this. I started taking running start classes at the community college, worked three jobs my senior year, took the SATs and started applying for colleges.

That's not to say though that I started thinking about alcohol any less. When I was applying for colleges, I had three main requirements: 1. They have a good football team (because I wanted to drink at the tailgates) 2. They have a greek life (because I wanted to be a sorority girl and go to all the frat parties) and 3. It be a party school (self explanatory). What I came up with: UNLV, University of Oregon, University of South Carolina and my number one choice Auburn. I got into all of them and basically on a whim, I chose Oregon. It met all of my requirements and it was close enough to Olympia that I could pop home when I was getting homesick.

At this point, I was feeling really good about my future. I started school in the fall and rushed right away, joining my sisters in Kappa Kappa Gamma. I felt proud of where I was at, I started to feel like I belonged somewhere and that I had worked hard for something in my life. Everything was so new, no one in my family had gone to college before, the only thing that prepared me at all for college was the book, "I Am Charlotte Simmons" by Tom Wolfe.

On bid night at Kappa Kappa Gamma, I thought I had found people just like me. We sang songs about drinking beer, getting drunk and being the best sorority around. I was home.

"Drink beer, drink beer, oh come drink a beer with me, 
I don't give a damn about any ol'e man that won't drink a beer with me.

So grab that old silver goblet with the Kappa key on it
And we'll all have another keg of beer, KEG OF BEER!

For it's not for knowledge that we've come to college
But to raise hell while we're, get laid while we're, get drunk while we're here, DRINK BEER!"

So you can understand my confusion two years later when I was being asked to turn in my pin. My status as a sorority girl, someone "special", a chosen one, was being revoked. I then chalked it up to jealous sisters who didn't approve of my lifestyle and who wanted me out of the house. When I look back now, I see that I had brought this decision upon myself by being hauled into our standards board time and time again, all of my black marks and demerits came from being a drunk fool. I yelled at sorority girls in others houses while blacked out, I showed up at functions wasted to "rescue" other sisters from being at a non-drinking location, I blacked out when I was supposed to be "chaperoning" an underclassmen's weekend, I drunkenly raced golf carts around the Eugene Country Club during our Kappa Klassic Philanthropy Golf Tournament, on and on and on. This is a resentment I harbored for many years, being stripped of my title and my sisters. It took me getting sober to see my part in this situation, that my alcoholic ways were largely responsible for my life changes.

Enter "Phase Two" of my drinking, the lonely phase.

I was now a junior in college, had just turned 21, moved into a depressing apartment of my own, was living by myself for the first time in my life and my world had just been rocked by being robbed of what I thought was the only thing that made me special. I didn't know how to cope with any of the changes in my life, all of the friends I had made in college were in the Greek System, my superiority complex had kept me from meeting anyone that was non-greek, or a "GDI" (God Damn Independent) as we called them. My drinking through the past two years had definitely caused me to burn some bridges, I treated a lot of people unfairly and even made enemies of some. In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it describes me perfectly: "The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted."

My only coping mechanism for all of these changes was to drink. I was able to scrape together a rag-tag group of people I called "friends" which now I realize were simply drinking buddies. I spent my days in class (if not nursing a hangover) and I spent most nights of the week going to the campus bars or at house parties, basically drinking my way through the loneliness. Looking back now, I figure I was out  about 5 or 6 nights of the week. I spent over $2,000 in one term alone at the bars, I even had a poster of the nightly drink schedule posted on my wall from Taylor's, my regular haunt. In my mind it was like Cheers, in reality, I was the girl that everyone would walk in the door and say (in a mystified voice), "You're always here!" At the time I thought it was a compliment. I also couldn't figure out why, if I was always out, I still felt so alone. I now know it's because I suffered from a spiritual malady, or simply, a hole in my soul. 

It took me until spring term of junior year to find a group of friends that would really take me in and embrace me. I had been floating from one set of drinking buddies to the next, and I finally found a solid group of guys that shared similar interests; drinking, sports, and drinking sports. I also started dating one of the guys in this group because I thought that adding someone else to my life would cure my self doubt, depression and loneliness. For a while it did. This guy and I were from the same home town, had a lot of things in common, but what I liked most about him was his passion for life. That was a passion that I had wanted to get back. We had some truly great times together, he and I and his friends. Those guys are some of the people who got me through the rest of my years at Oregon. 

Through all of my drinking and partying, I was somehow able to get a Bachelors of Science with a degree in Political Science. I graduated on time, walked with my class, and had a big party. At that time, my drinking levels had evened out at about three or four days a week, which resulted in me having graduation photos that looked like this:

I had never gained the freshman 15, but I got the senior 25 I think. For me looking back now, I'm really sickened that this wonderful event in my life is commemorated by me looking truly awful (my pride is barely allowing for this photo to even be on here). After graduation, I found a job working at Enterprise Rent-a-Car in Eugene thanks to the help of my boyfriend's cousin who was high up in the company. I decided to stay in Eugene another year to wait for my boyfriend, Casey, who was a year behind me in school. My drinking slowed considerably while Casey's remained a constant. This is when our relationship started to get rocky. 

When I started working at Enterprise, I gained a bunch of new friends. Casey didn't really want any part in that since he had his college buddies. I started doing happy hours with my co-workers and Casey delved deeper into his fraternity going-ons. Near the end of his senior year he got the opportunity to start working with his brother and sister on the startup they were working on in Portland, OR. At this point Casey attempted to break up with me. Hindsight makes me think I should have just let him. I was worried though that if he were to leave me, I would have no way out of Eugene. I was working a dead end job that I didn't like and I'm very scared of change. I had been planning on moving up to Portland with him, and I didn't know if I would be able to make that leap alone. We worked it out, I let him know that I would stand by him while he did this business that was going to take up the majority of his life, that I wasn't going to let it effect our relationship, that I would be 100% supportive. 

We moved to Portland in July of 2010. We rented our first place together in a district of Portland called the Pearl and we got a dog, Rudy. For a couple of months, everything was perfect. We were getting to explore a new city, his family and mine were closer, we had a lot of friends in the area and we were making a ton of new friends with our respective work places. 

An aside about Enterprise Rent-a-Car. Somehow that company manages to attract a lot of newly graduated college students (one statistic I heard is that they hire the most of any company in the nation). For those who have not worked at the big green machine, I'll tell you this: It's nothing but young, attractive, active people that they hire. One of the things they want to see on your resume is that you have either sports experience, greek life, or that you were highly active in other clubs in college. What this looked like at my branch (when I moved, I got placed at the state's largest branch in Beaverton, OR) was about 12 young (22-27) college graduates who all knew how to drink. They became my family, my friends, my drinking partners and everything in between. We did a weekly happy hour, and there were many other occasions when we all would just go out to places like Buffalo Wild Wings and get rowdy. Another noteworthy thing about Enterprise is that it's a soul sucking company. You are expected to work 60 hour weeks making barely above minimum wage while you deal with horrible customers, wash cars in heels and skirts and sell useless products in order to promote yourself. I'm not saying I didn't learn anything here or I'm not grateful for the opportunity and experience, but it helped to further my negative mindset. 

After a few months of Casey working 80 hour weeks, I began getting lonely. That supportiveness I had promised to have was waining and I was getting closer than ever with my co-workers. My drinking was increasing out of boredom and I was coming home less often right after work. Enter the third phase of my drinking: The destructive phase.

My relationship was falling apart and I knew it. Casey was drinking a lot after work, I was drinking a lot after work, and never together. Our lives were going in two separate directions but at this point we were both desperately trying to hold on out of fear of the unknown. It's hard for me still, to even make heads or tails of this time of my life. I was back to drinking every other day, coming into work severely hung over, fighting with Casey, drinking on the job at lunch sometimes, skipping work due to hangovers, calling in "sick" all the time and basically just hating my life. I was living one drink to the next to get some relief from my rapidly spiraling life. I had reached the point where when I started drinking, I no longer cared how drunk I got. I had before made an attempt to limit my drinking and say things in my head like "I'm only going to have two drinks tonight", which I didn't really stick to in the first place, but now I made no such promises to myself. 

Casey and I were in a sick sad cycle of making promises to each other like, "I'll be home at 7:00" only for one of us to show up at 11:00. There were many nights Casey didn't come home, he would get too drunk and stay at his brother's or elsewhere. I think we both cared too much and too little all at the same time if that makes any sense. We finally called it quits in July of 2011, after three years of dating. I was the one to move out, leaving our house and our dog, basically everything I had known since moving to Portland. I packed my life's belongings in my car and moved in temporarily with my good friend Hannah. My life was quickly falling apart.

What Happened

Upon moving in with Hannah and ending my relationship with Casey, I thought I would be in a much better headspace. Wrong again. My drinking continued at the same amazing levels it had before, one memorable incident included me going to a friends wedding and drinking absorbent amounts, coming home with only one shoe of my own and another shoe that was completely different (and not mine). The drive home from the wedding was from Klamath Falls, OR and instead of dealing with my hangover, I decided I should drink through it. I think I consumed at least six Bud-light tall boys, fully knowing I had to get up and go to work the next day and try to function like a human being. I was going on a few dates that would just end up with me completely drunk or feeling really lonely, it was miserable.

The one good thing that came out of this time period was that I got reconnected with my old friend and boyfriend Ryan. He was a guy that I have always loved. From the day we met in high school through tumultuous times in our drinking lives, to now, in my head I had always labeled him as my "what if" guy, and by some kind of Devine intervention, I got his number again. At this point, he was almost a year sober. This was a guy that I used to THROW DOWN with. We would get crazy drunk and he was exactly like me, once he started he could never stop. I was amazed a guy like that could get sober and STAY sober.

Ryan invited me down to Astoria to spend the weekend with him to catch up and reconnect, I jumped on the opportunity. Once I got down there, it was like old times again. We spent the whole first night reliving our shared past and what had happened in our lives since we last talked, it was amazing. The next day I remember we went to lunch and we started talking about his sobriety. I remember sharing that I had all of these things on my bucket list that would stop me from getting sober right away, like drinking a beer in an Irish Pub or wine tasting through Tuscany. He shared about some of the reservations he had had in his life before getting sober, like drinking on his wedding day. He told me these reservations were just his disease convincing him to stay drunk and he had finally come to realize special occasions or bucket lists don't need to include alcohol, with alcohol these things probably wouldn't turn out the way he had imagined them anyway.

While I was there, he had to open a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I decided to tag along. It was the first meeting I had been to in a many number of years. A monumental mental shift happened to me during this meeting. A man named Carlos was sharing about his experience and he said something that to this day still moves me. He said that he had more years behind him drunk, than good, sober years ahead of him. This statement might not seem like much, but to me at that moment, it was everything. I started looking at my life, what it had become and where I was going and I wasn't happy. It was with this one statement that I knew these people understood me and all of the feelings I had been having up to this point. I saw that my drinking had caused chaos and destruction to a level I never thought possible. At this moment, I knew I was just like these people, that I had a disease, the disease of alcoholism.

For many alcoholics, the phrase "knowledge is power" is useless, and I was no exception to this rule. Knowing that I was an alcoholic didn't stop me from drinking though I knew I needed to. I knew that I most likely couldn't stop drinking on my own, alcohol was so entrenched in my life that I couldn't make that separation. The thought of telling my boss Steve that I needed to go to treatment was outrageous and scary and something I would never do. Within a weeks span of hearing Carlos's share at the meeting and having the realization I was an alcoholic, I didn't have to have that conversation with Steve, my actions and my higher power took care of that for me.

On Friday, August 26th, my night started out like any other. Happy hour after work with the co-workers. I had told myself (because I had gone out really hard the night before) that I wasn't even going to drink that much. I had started the day actually saying I wasn't even going to go out at all, but my desire to drink got the best of me. I had started with drinking beers and before I knew it, I was taking jello shots, playing beer pong and consuming massive amounts of alcohol. Towards the end of the night, I was sloppy drunk, coming in and out of a blackout. Looking back, I can only see snapshots of that night.

I have a memory of being dropped off at my car by a co-worker asking me if I was okay to drive and if I just wanted to get a ride home with her. I saw that she was driving and that she had been drinking just as much as I had, so I said no, that I could handle it, I had done this many times before. This was different though, I was REALLY REALLY drunk, and I couldn't remember the way back to Hannah's house though I'd been driving it every day for a month now. The last thing I remember was turning on to Highway 217. The next thing I remember is being pulled over. Here's what happened in between:
In my blackout, I hit another car on the freeway. I rear-ended his back left bumper, sending him into a guardrail on the side of the freeway. I had either fallen asleep at the wheel or had been deep in a blackout, because I have no memory of any accident. I kept driving, not realizing my car was totaled. Somehow it was still running. I apparently was able to almost make it back to Hannah's house until a cop saw my mangled car and pulled me over.

All I can remember is looking in my rearview mirror and seeing the flashing lights. In an instant, my mind sobered up, but my body did not. As if the cop couldn't tell I was drunk by my smell and the condition of my car, I had to do a field sobriety test, which I had told him from the beginning I was going to absolutely fail. Before I was put in the police car, I managed to send a message to Ryan that said "I think I'm in trouble." For the second time in my life, my drinking landed me in handcuffs. I was taken to the Washington County Jail in Hillsboro, OR where I was booked on a laundry list of charges. I remember my biggest concern was telling Steve I wasn't going to be able to make it in to work that morning. This jail experience wasn't like the first I had when I was 16 where the cop had let me sit in the waiting room for my dad to come pick me up. I was an adult now, and I got finger printed, booked and locked in a cell in a jail of over 200 women. I have never experienced anything more degrading, shameful, humiliating and terrifying in my whole life.

To this day, I am convinced I took my first step in Alcoholics Anonymous while I sat in that jail cell. Step one says, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable". I remember laying on a bed with a thin plastic mattress in a 8x8 cell, looking up at the concrete brick walls thinking that alcohol had gotten me here to this place. I cursed alcohol and everything it had done to me. Ryan always says that there's a point in an alcoholics life where drinking is costing you more than it gives back. I had reached this point. Alcohol didn't always get me in trouble, but when I was in trouble, alcohol was always involved. Something that I couldn't help thinking was "I have a college degree, a career, my own car, money to do whatever I want, and I end up here." I was in a very dark place.

What was happening behind the scenes: My friends and family were springing into action. They knew I was there, they had found out how much my bail was and they were working on posting it. The trouble with Oregon is that they don't take bonds, so my friends were having to come up with $2000 cash, all at once (had I known that, I would have been able to bail myself out, but no one at the jail had told me).

I didn't make a phone call until late Saturday afternoon, about 12 hours after being booked. I was too hung over and shame ridden to pick up the phone. When I finally did, my only call was to Ryan. He was so happy to hear from me and he did so much to calm my fears, I will be forever grateful to him for that. He told me what was going on, what I needed to do and that I just needed to hold on a little bit longer, there was a plan. The only thing I remember of the conversations was Ryan asking me, "Will you go to treatment", my only response was "Yes".

My friend Hannah and another co-worker Rachel bailed me out around 8:00 Sunday night. It was the happiest moment I'd had in my life, "Free at last" came to mind. I went back to Hannah's to pack whatever belongings I had there before Ryan came to pick me up to take me to treatment. I knew it was the right decision. On August 30th, 2011, I checked myself into The Astoria Pointe where I spent the next 60 days in inpatient treatment.

What It's Like Now

At nearly two years sober, I can say that what I went through was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life to this point. What I owe to the Astoria Pointe and Rosebriar can never be repaid. They taught me how to live life on life's terms, sober. I met women in there I plan to keep in my life forever. I learned a new way of living which doesn't include alcohol to help me make it through. What I likened my life to before I came to treatment was the carrot dangling before the horse, the things I wanted in life being the carrot, me being the horse, and all of those things just that much out of reach.

What I thought of treatment before actually going there myself was that it was for celebrities and people who "had a problem". What I've realized afterwards is that it's for anyone who is trying to create a better life for themselves who wish to no longer be chemically dependent. It's not easy getting sober or staying sober for that matter. I'd love to say that the 20+ women I was in the Rosebriar with are all sober today. That's not so. I have a handful of women (three to be exact) that I know are living a sober lifestyle and still going to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. A few have died that I knew. That's the nature of this disease and why it's so deadly serious to me.

I'd also like to say that I have done everything perfectly in my sobriety. That I got a sponsor right away, that I did 90 meetings in 90 days, that I started working the steps and working with others. But old habits die hard. I still like to think I can do everything Erin's way, but I know that not to be true. I hit about one meeting a week, I didn't get a sponsor until my 18th month of sobriety, and I have just started working the steps. Thank God I believe it's progress, not perfection.

I am one of those "lucky one's" that didn't have to deal too much with cravings. Once I got into treatment, all desire to drink died. I don't know if that's because of the low bottom I found myself at or if I've mentally convinced myself it's poison, but all I know is that I don't miss the drink. I can get envious sometimes when I see pictures of friends who are out on the town looking glamourous with their girlfriends, because I know that probably won't be me again. But then I play that tape out, the one in my head where I say "I miss that", and I find that I never had that before and I'm only longing for something I never had.

Sobriety has been good to me. I spent my 25th birthday in treatment, I call it my quarter life crisis, but I spent my birthday in a happier way with more people I love than I had in all birthday's previous.

My first sober birthday.

But sobriety for me hasn't come with out a cost. I left my job at Enterprise, I hadn't been happy there, well, ever. I lost my license for 5 years. I totaled my car. And worst of all, I injured someone else while doing it. I am now on probation for 3 years, I had to do 30 days in a work release-jail setting (scary as shit), make amends to the person I hit, face-to-face, and do 80 hours of community service, not to mention thousands paid in fines and lawyer fees. I also carry two felonies on my record. Did I ever look at my life and say, "This is where I think I'm going to end up"? No. But I am happy that I have finally gotten here and that it wasn't any worse.

I remember one day in treatment sitting through a class titled "Spirituality" which was taught by "Spiritual Bob". I remember thinking that AA was some God worshiping cult before I got sober, there were times in my past when my dad told me he was praying for me, and that freaked me out. What I learned in that class though, is that having spirituality means you believe that there is a higher power of your own creation, working for you in your life and that "G.O.D." is defined as "Good Orderly Direction". Spiritual Bob described a "higher power" as a force that is working for you when you are trying your best to kill yourself. I thought about all of the times I had drove drunk, placed my life in the hands of others who were in the same condition and worse. This is when I stopped struggling with the idea of a higher power and prayer in my life. I'm not a religious person, but I do have belief that there is something guiding my life when I can't. I pray daily "Thy will be done", and try to let go of my will. I know now that I can't do this on my own, previous attempts to lead my life the way I wanted led me to jails and institutions, the last stop being death.

All of the previous insecurities I mentioned didn't cease to exist the moment I got sober. If anything, they increased. Who gets sober at the age of 24? What fun is there to have ever again? Who can't handle their liquor? And on and on. But today, I can face these thoughts, insecurities and doubts head on and tackle them logically, with a sponsor, to try to solve them as opposed to drowning them out with booze. And I've had more fun in sobriety than I ever did while drinking. 

I realize now that drinking for me was but a symptom of a greater spiritual malady that it's going to take time and hard work to fix. Thankfully though, I have people around me today who love me when I can't love myself. I'm in a relationship with the most loving and supportive man I know, who was there for me and continues to be there for me when I'm at my lowest. He loves and supports me through all of the good, the bad and the effing crazy that goes through my newly sober head. I have a job now that allows me to spend all day every day with my friends and talk about the thing that means the most to me: Recovery. All of these things wouldn't be possible if it weren't for the loving family and friends I have in my life, and if I didn't know when enough was enough. Every day I thank my higher power for doing for me what I could not do for myself- ask for help in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. 

One of the most poignant and hopeful passages I have read from the Big Book says this, "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. The feeling of useless-ness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. "

Why did I decide to write this, one might ask. Well, if you're anything like me, you would think a drunk and an addict are the people you see on the streets, living out of a cardboard box, drinking out of a paper bag. What I have come to learn is that the disease I have does not discriminate based on color, education, social status, gender, sexuality, race or religion, and if I can help just one person come to see they are not alone, then I have achieved something. My story isn't unique. I'm not the first college graduating sorority girl who has found themselves staring at the bottom of a bottle wondering why she's all alone with misery as her only company. But I found a place where I can start healing and recovering, and it's my responsibility to help those who are still suffering. One of the greatest things I heard around AA is, "Speak up, what you say might save a life."